The only reason I’ve been this vague semblance of ‘okay’ to this point is because I thought if kirsty found out I wasn’t okay, and had got this bad again, she’d feel guilty and upset. But it’s quite clear she doesn’t give a shit about me anymore, so I’m done trying to stay okay because there isn’t any point now. This has pushed me to my breaking point and I’m just so tired of trying. It’s too hard when nothing ever gets better, only worse. I’m going to sleep and never wake up from this nightmare.