welcome to womens clothing where the sizes are made up and the measurements don’t matter
It is my fault. I made the mistake.
I laid out the hot coals, and I chose to walk on them.
I thought you were holding my hand.
But you dropped me.
You let me fall. You watched as I fell.
I told you. I explained it all to you.
My bruises are still fresh, and you still make my knees go weak.
You made the same promises.
And I believed them.
I let myself believe. I shouldn’t have believed.
You never meant it. Never wanted to hurt me.
Yet I am broken and battered, my insides torn apart by you.
I am no more what I once was.
What you made me.
You made me so strong. That now I can feel such weakness.
There are voices. They tell me pretty lies.
They say I deserve someone who really cares, they say I am not worthless.
Without even trying you make me feel worthless.
I have nothing now.
Tainted words and broken promises. That is all I have.
I do not understand. This must be a fitful nightmare.
You said always, always, always and you still whisper it.
Did you say it to her too?
The promise of your return hangs. I cling to the promise.
Is this the end? I am I finished now.
The final nail in my coffin, another wound that won’t heal.
Is this the final knife in my chest?
Can I rest now?
But the promise hangs. I wish it were me.
So we both still love each other and want to be together…why can’t we be? I don’t understand you.
Update: I’ll be on holiday and without internet until the 24th July, so I won’t be replying to messages or blogging.
Please don’t unfollow, I will be back!
Do you want to talk to someone? I'm worried about you and I can come off anon if you do. I'm in recovery and Ive learnt how massively important it is to be able to talk to someone when that feeling comes. Don't be afraid to accept help when it's offered.
Thank you so much, it means a lot to know you (and others too) are there. But I’m okay. To be honest, this feels like one of those times where I just need to white-knuckle it through. Thank you though!